Anyone Particular

Q: Was there anyone particular you had in mind when you wrote (Tuesday, May 10, 1983), or was it just a general feeling that you had? How did you manage to get through or over it?

A: Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice about how I was able to get through the feelings of loneliness. At the time that I wrote my “May 1983” journal piece, I was nineteen and I was thinking in particular of a friend I knew at college in Oregon. He and I had been on a few group dates together. But suddenly, I found myself wanting the relationship to grow past friends. A lot of the self pressure, I believe, came from the fact that I knew I would be moving to the Midwest at the end of the semester. I simply ignored my hurting and just lived through it somehow.

The loneliness didn’t disappear. Rather, the next opportunity, the following December, that I met someone who liked me as much as I like them… I ended up getting into a relationship that led to getting married.

In hindsight, I am amazed at the powerful impact that my recurring loneliness and isolation feelings have had on my life at several times. Getting involved in a new relationship with someone in a new town, merely put a band aid on the inner pain. I’m twice divorced. I’ve had one significant relationship since my second divorce. Currently, I am right back where I was at nineteen in terms of emotions. It’s curious that you wrote your inquiry at a time when I can identify again with my own journal entry.