tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034Mon, 01 Mar 2010 17:02:41 +0000Notes on searching... within myself.http://www.searchingwithin.com/noreply@blogger.com (chase)Blogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-3124786921535831680Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:59:00 +00002010-03-01T11:02:42.080-06:00Awaked, dressed, breakfasted, drugged... and now mildly heavy. Depressed. Empty. I don't want to go back to bed. I do want to continue just sitting here, only listening to music and looking up the lyrics as each song plays. Only two primary tasks this Monday: sometime today complete weight training routine and mid day have a first date watching a movie at Star. Thinking about workout makes me http://www.searchingwithin.com/2010/03/awaked-dressed-breakfasted-drugged.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (chase)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-3277496077136310708Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:43:00 +00002010-02-28T08:01:21.728-06:00dietfoodI'm having a daily struggle with healthy diet choices. The main problems are loss of appetite and the compete depletion of food in the cabinets and frig. I've been baulking the chore of going grocery shopping. There is a sense of extreme dread for being surrounded by an immense collection of food and successfully selecting the correct items. The dread is a result a new decision of tackling diet. http://www.searchingwithin.com/2010/02/im-nauseous-with-hunger.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (chase)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-6124082974613298755Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:38:00 +00002010-02-25T17:40:54.516-06:00I have a headache and empty stomach. The kitchen is just in the next room. Why is it so hard to get up and go make something healthy to eat?http://www.searchingwithin.com/2010/02/cant-feed-myself.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (chase)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-784969963201079242Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:13:00 +00002010-02-25T17:20:56.868-06:00depressionmetalcoreRecently while talking about favorite music.... Bullet For My Valentine was mentioned. I find metalcore to be unpleasant. I want to understand the lyrics and feel emotion rather than a headache and nausea. The depression is getting worse. Once in awhile, I feel strange enough to just embrace the unending nausea that I've been dealing with the past four weeks -- a type of self-destructive behaviorhttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2010/02/found-one-that-resonates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (chase)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-7591423786301848663Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:50:00 +00002008-11-30T15:50:11.063-06:00depressionsunboxFirst snowfall. Well, not really the first. But seems as if so, because this time I see the falling flakes, the growing accumulation, the solemn traffic passing on the street. The afternoon light is fading, loneliness surrounds me, and Paula Cole tempo wedges the apostrophe into place. I feel trapped. Trapped by the falling snow and by my dysfunction. I want to go to the gym. But I told myself http://www.searchingwithin.com/2008/11/waiting-for-sunray-sunbox.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (chase)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-2708069178883239969Wed, 31 Oct 2007 08:55:00 +00002007-10-31T04:13:34.379-05:00hypomaniaI can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning for the last half hour. I suppose I'd like to blame this on the cat. But, there are several other factors that make this night time restlessness more likely a case of October hypomania.This morning, with my therapist, I successfully presented my list of symptoms and concluded that I'm just "feeling good." Not every episode of me feeling better needs tohttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2007/10/cat-woke-me-up.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-4743952295787058339Wed, 12 Sep 2007 18:23:00 +00002007-09-12T13:32:04.234-05:00caffeinesleepThe summer of 2005, I stop consuming caffeine. My biggest addiction was Mountain Dew. I drank 5-6 cans per day. I took a six week period to wean myself off the Dew.I still crave my extremely cold can of Dew. Today is one of those days. In order to not cave, I needed to grab the blue ice brick out of my lunch box and hold the cold to my neck and back. The cold therapy worked, much the way that http://www.searchingwithin.com/2007/09/being-tired-at-work.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-4690687986356377492Mon, 27 Aug 2007 02:32:00 +00002007-08-26T21:37:56.959-05:00bipolarrelationshipI've finally updated Bipolar Relationships with a new post. Thade (May 2007 - August 2007)http://www.searchingwithin.com/2007/08/my-recent-confession.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-2446138221863846798Thu, 23 Aug 2007 01:46:00 +00002007-08-22T21:25:39.011-05:00REBTThe "ABC's" are an exercise from REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy). The "A" represents the activating situation. The "B" is the irrational belief about "A". The "C" is/are the consequences of believing "B".Then, "D" is a chance to dispute the irrational belief. And "E" is the effective new thinking to replace the irrational belief or mentally experiencing the activating situation again, http://www.searchingwithin.com/2007/08/abc-problem-solving.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-5543001390256270448Sat, 28 Jul 2007 20:44:00 +00002007-07-30T19:02:50.283-05:00medsdepressionsleepNetflixmindfulnessmeditationThe kind of "those" that I mean: a day where outside the world is having a most awesome, beautiful weather day. I am in the house... sleeping the daylight hours away... unable to enjoy the beautiful day outside.I took a dose of Seroquel, as instructed by my PDoc, and found that yes I was able to get a good night of sleep. Except that I just repeatedly have been going back to bed today. I just http://www.searchingwithin.com/2007/07/it-is-one-of-those-days.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-8205941815522317828Sun, 26 Nov 2006 18:53:00 +00002006-11-26T13:18:07.840-06:00metafilterMatching your external self to your actual self - What physical change or other observable change was most influential in changing how people perceive you (for the better)? What do you call wanting something that can no longer happen? - Is there a word for missing something that hasn't happened? Yearning for a future that can no longer come to fruition? Extra bonus points if there's something in http://www.searchingwithin.com/2006/11/ask-metafilter-roundup_26.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-116247923276523208Thu, 02 Nov 2006 14:33:00 +00002006-11-02T08:57:00.873-06:00metafilterIn search of good religious discussion - Where can I find serious religious debate/discussion? I'm looking for a place to read and maybe discuss religious views (primarily Christian-based) that don't constantly delve into ranting and/or idiocy. Professional Pet Peeves - What are common pet peeves for different professions? MotivationFilter - I'm currently working a job with soul-sucking 60+ hour http://www.searchingwithin.com/2006/11/ask-metafilter-roundup.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-114822731131595237Sun, 21 May 2006 15:59:00 +00002006-11-26T13:47:57.510-06:00books everyone is a mix of good and evil All that is gold does not glittermoney can?t make happiness; money can be a burdenpursuit of truth (over money) is a powerful motivation to continue a journeybroken family relationships hurt throughout lifefriendship is a powerful force that sustainsliterature is a resource to understanding See more progress on: listen to the audio book Bad Twin (Unabridged) byhttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2006/05/some-first-thoughts-about-book.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-114100383718183384Mon, 27 Feb 2006 01:27:00 +00002006-02-26T19:30:37.216-06:00I moved into my current apartment over a year ago. Shortly after getting settled, I noticed that one of the light switch tabs?next to the back door from the garage into the lower level?pointed the wrong direction. Typically, tab down equals light off. The switch controls an overhead bulb in the garage. The light fixture has a chain. I was perplexed as to why the tab in the up position turns the http://www.searchingwithin.com/2006/02/light-goes-off.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-113811111379739276Tue, 24 Jan 2006 13:57:00 +00002006-01-24T07:59:30.243-06:00This is the day your life will surely changeThis is the day when things fall into place For the uberpositive person, I suppose every day has possibilities of containing a life changing event. Overall, I think there are a limited number of fulcrum days. Although, when I am unenthusiastic about my day, listening to This is the Day can help perk me up.See more progress on: identify songs which http://www.searchingwithin.com/2006/01/this-is-day-by-the.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-113571786618930641Tue, 27 Dec 2005 21:11:00 +00002005-12-27T15:14:04.280-06:00The article "How Does Visualization Work?" provides a nice list of steps for keeping a positive outlook.http://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/12/positive-outlook-is-vital-to-creating.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-113563469955105083Mon, 26 Dec 2005 22:04:00 +00002005-12-26T16:04:59.556-06:00The biggest reason I don?t write letters is that I have never set up a place for all my letter writing supplies. I need a convenient place for stamps, envelops, address book.See more progress on: write more letters instead of emailshttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/12/love-internet-too-much_26.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-113563350830883349Mon, 26 Dec 2005 21:45:00 +00002005-12-26T15:45:08.313-06:00Since my Web traffic is minimal, I haven?t been able to fully capitalize on the usefulness. However, the application is easy to install and easy to use. I highly recommend Measure Map.See more progress on: test Measure Map, a production of Adaptive Path, LLC.http://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/12/happy-with-my-meaure-map-results.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-113563357754823892Mon, 26 Dec 2005 21:44:00 +00002005-12-26T15:46:17.553-06:00This Fall I stopped drinking my drug of choice: no more Mountain Dew. Over a period of about six weeks I gradually decreased my consumption. Now, I pretty much just drink water and milk, and occasionally some juice. I suppose I am not 100% caffeine free, since I don?t tend to read the ingredients on products.See more progress on: be caffeine freehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/12/no-more-mountain-dew-for-me.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-112819085742891288Sat, 01 Oct 2005 18:20:00 +00002005-10-01T13:20:57.433-05:00where in Africa should I go?See more progress on: identify this placehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/10/zebra-unknown-place-id-love-to-visit.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-112819059280692945Sat, 01 Oct 2005 18:16:00 +00002005-10-01T13:16:32.810-05:00is it Alaska?See more progress on: identify this placehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/10/bears-unknown-place-id-love-to-visit.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-112819004904511087Sat, 01 Oct 2005 18:07:00 +00002005-10-01T13:15:02.690-05:00beautiful scuptured rocks.See more progress on: identify this placehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/10/sculptured-rocks-unknown-place-id-love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-112818998163178400Sat, 01 Oct 2005 18:06:00 +00002005-10-01T13:14:20.416-05:00river through mountains.See more progress on: identify this placehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/10/mountain-river-unknown-place-id-love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-112818988665222557Sat, 01 Oct 2005 18:04:00 +00002005-10-01T13:13:41.546-05:00is it mountain heather?See more progress on: identify this placehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/10/mountain-flowers-unknown-place-id-love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3614034.post-112818951071444451Sat, 01 Oct 2005 17:58:00 +00002005-10-01T13:13:06.560-05:00rolling green hills on the coast?See more progress on: identify this placehttp://www.searchingwithin.com/2005/10/coast-line-hills-unknown-place-id-love.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ontask)0