ABC Problem Solving

The "ABC's" are an exercise from REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy). The "A" represents the activating situation. The "B" is the irrational belief about "A". The "C" is/are the consequences of believing "B".

Then, "D" is a chance to dispute the irrational belief. And "E" is the effective new thinking to replace the irrational belief or mentally experiencing the activating situation again, with new perspective.

This process, of working through an example, is wonderfully easy when you are sitting with your therapist. A coach.

The trick is learning how to recognize, by myself, when I'm needing to reevaluate my thinking.

My current activating situation is that an important relationship is changing. Immediately I'm starting to believe that it is my fault; what if I had done stuff different? Said or not said stuff? The relationship is over, completely. There is no hope. I will be lonely and depressed forever, because this recent change in relationship is ultimate proof that I am unable to hold onto a meaningful relationship. I can not survive if the relationship changes.

Heavy beliefs mucking up my thoughts and feelings! The consequences are that I am majorly depressed. I'm jealous, sad, angry. Anxious and fearful. I am ready to fly into much drama.

However, I must dispute these wacky beliefs: the truth is that even though there has been a change... I don't know what is going to happen next. I don't know where this relationship is going. I will feel joy again. I will survive. I am able to maintain healthy, meaningful relationships.

So... here is the hard part... how can I experience this situation again and not get sucked into the depression and negative thinking? Because I am grieving that things are changing. It hurts. It sucks. Telling myself that "I don't really know... don't know the out come" doesn't seem to be enough to take the sting away that there has been this pain.