It Is One of Those Days

The kind of "those" that I mean: a day where outside the world is having a most awesome, beautiful weather day. I am in the house... sleeping the daylight hours away... unable to enjoy the beautiful day outside.

I took a dose of Seroquel, as instructed by my PDoc, and found that yes I was able to get a good night of sleep. Except that I just repeatedly have been going back to bed today. I just finally got up at 3:30pm this afternoon.

I looked around and asked myself, "What can I do to feel some accomplishment this afternoon?" Out of the list of activities that ran through my mind, I decided on doing a load of white laundry. This included a set of my new bed sheets.

My bike hangs in the garage with cobwebs. I could pump up the tires and dust it off. Maybe drive up to Devil's Lake and ride around. I could just do the bike trail right here in town... I can get to it just a few blocks from here. The second idea is not appealing, because that part of the trail is not very exciting... and I would need to ride a bit, in either direction, to get to the good stuff. So, no. The bike trail here is out. That's why a quick drive up to the lake -- because of all the nice scenery -- seems appealing.

A drive to the lake is also appealing, because it is an activity I can actually afford. Any plan I make, to try to get outside the house, will need to be expense free. I have no money left from this weeks allowance. So, the Lake: I already purchased my annual pass for the State Parks. There is gas in the truck.

What keeps me from following through on a drive to the lake? There is stuff in the back of the truck that would need to be taken care of first. What the stuff is... I won't go into detail... that is another long story.

As I sit and type, the cat wants attention. She cries, wanting to sit on my lap. Anytime I'm at the computer upright typing, is of course, when she wants to cuddle.

Is it possible the load of clothes is ready for the dryer? Not quite yet.

Is it time for me to make progress on "what is next?" Yes. I don't know what that will be... my head is busy with thought, and yet it is empty. It's kind of like doing mindfulness meditation (MM) on auto pilot. The thoughts come fast and futter by. I don't need to make any effort to let them pass by. They travel on easily past on their own accord. The struggle, the challenge is to keep them in focus. The exact opposite of MM. Typically with MM, the struggle is to get the thoughts to pass on by.

This makes it very difficult to truly figure out what to do next. I fight to hold a thought to evaluate it... it slips away too fast. This mode makes me exhausted and tends to lend itself to, well, I'll just go back to bed. Or, maybe flopping on the couch and watching a DVD.

I wish there was someone who would validate that the DVD and flopping is fine. That it is good, enough. It is at least better than getting my sleep cycle out of whack.

The decision for what to watch is easy: pick one of the three Netflix that have been sitting here, unwatched for more than a week.

I love Netflix. Do you want to be my friend? The friend feature is really cool. Except that they assume you HAVE friends. Yeah, and they assume that you will encourage your friends to join. Well, you have to HAVE friends to encourage.

I'll go open the Netflix... at least see what my choices are.